Friday, January 30, 2009

The idiocy of my Life

(Warning Long Post Ahead)

Okay, first a bit of a recap for anyone not up to current speed on my status in life

I have a wife, who is VERY pregnant, between 36 and 37 weeks along. I have two children already, my son jack, just turned 4 years old on the 27th, my daughter Katy is 2 years old (well 2 and a half).

Due to a long series of events beyond my control, some of you might be very familiar with, we found ourselves, jobless, homeless, and almost possession-less. Most of what we owned, including children's belongings were able to fit in the back seat & trunk of a mid-size car.

My grandmother and her 2nd husband Ralph agreed to let us live in their basement, to try and get back on our feet. with the economy being what it is, with no car, and barely two changes of clothes, it is a SLOW process. and it is made harder by the fact, that beyond the physical roof over our heads itself, they offer almost no help. Occasionally they buy diapers for the kids.

This leaves me still without transportation, there are no buses where I live, so don't ask about those. The clothes I do have, are sweat pants, and printed T-shirts, not exactly interview friendly. Beyond that, My wife suffers from Bi-polar disorder, and some social anxiety issues.

Myself I have (had) a severe back injury, thee injury led to decreased activity, which led to weight gain, which led to more pressure on my back. I'm slowly recovering from that, I've lost 70lbs this year alone (well last year technically) but that still leaves me at about 330 Lbs Buying a decent pair of blue-jeans or khakis for an interview, is not something I can get at K-mart. I either have to loose more weight firs,t or pay $60/pair at the "big-guy" type stores. I also about a year and a half ago, suffered back-to-back 2 nervous breakdowns. Between the two left me with some severe anxiety problems. To give an example, My mother had sprained an ankle, and I agreed to run out and do some shopping for her. I started getting nervous at the store, not a lot, just feeling ,crowded by the people, but it was very manageable. then I couldn't locate the brand of chips she asked for. It embarrasses me to say this, but I'm trying to be honest here. I broke down, crying l like little kid, in the middle of the store, cause I couldn't find the damn kettle cooked, salt & vinegar or whatever chips she had written own for me to get her. that's how messed up I was.

Now this is all fine and good. These are problems, that given time, and even a little help I can eventually overcome, even in this economy. My education is, questionable. I know more about computers than most people should, I've worked for several big names in the industry, not going to drop names here, it's not worthwhile, but what I don't have is a physical piece of paper, degree or certification. This limits me a LOT.

So that's our present situation. All nice in a tidy package, the main parts anyway I've left out a lot of little details so that I can move on to the Drama of the matter.

My grandmother and her husband are now threatening to kick us out unless we:

  • Give them all the info to claim us as Dependants for the last 5 years on their taxes

  • Both File Bankruptcy

yeah read it again, let it sink in.

my own grandmother, is willing to kick two small children, a pregnant woman, and her grandson, out on the street, in the middle of winter, unless we file bankruptcy and help them commit tax fraud.

The reason they want us to file bankruptcy? so that we can apply for government funded housing. You can not currently get o the list for section 8 housing, if you owe money to a landlord. We owe our last landlord a little over $800, one months rent to be exact. Now mind you the Fee for filing bankruptcy is $350 and it stays with you for 7 years.

Moreover many companies now, do a credit check before hiring people, and will take people h good credit, over those without. It's considered less f a "security risk" People with bankruptcy's are sometimes outright forbidden from certain jobs involving the handling cash, or credit cards, or other peoples financial information (such as a bill collector) now this is not a state or federal law, nothing like that, it's simply a policy that some companies have, and it's becoming more and more wide spread.

this puts me in a very difficult situation, for 1 I simply didn't like the e idea of being forced to make a decision such as this against threat of eviction. Secondly it barely makes any economic sense, as it's $350 to file the paperwork, and then takes a minimum of 4 months to process uncontested, whereas if I were to speak to a debt consolidation agency, i would likely be able to get the $800 I owe reduced, and pay it off in a paycheck or two with a job. I can not verify this for sure, as I'm not allowed to use the phone as I wish.

This has been a source of argument in the house for sometime. And soon my grandmothers husband wants to have a "meeting" to discuss some of this, something we've done several times before, he gave me an itinerary, listing things we discussed many times before, on it.

Such as "getting current copy of both our credit reports" which we did, twice. but he forgets, a lot, he's older,r I don't blame him for that, but it's frustrating have my fate held in the hands of someone who can't remember from one day to the next. the second time around I took a camera with me, to my friends house, used his computer to pull up a copy of my credit report, photographed myself doing so, photographed the report (said friend unfortunately doesn't have a printer at the moment) I sat down with both m y grandmother and Ralph and showed them this.

now I must diverge a moment to my wife and her pregnancy. The last two children we had, she had VERY?Y high blood pressure, and was on the verge of (pardon my mangling the word I'm going from memory) Toxo-plascimia. I don't know all the details, I know it involves high blood pressure,e protein i in the urine, and it's BAD, sometimes fatal. So we have to watch her stress levels.

Getting ore back on topic, Ralph, it's hard rd to explain without sounding overly dramatic or critical, is a man that I honestly believe to be heartless. I try to be an open minded guy, I don't like to hold grudges, and as cynical as I am I usually like to believe everyone has some good in them. Ralph is the only person I've ever met, that I honestly and truly believe, has no soul whatsoever. I mean, if they guy catches me without a shirt (for example exiting the shower) he makes a big show, of looking at me, and then retching, acting like he;s going be sick at the sight of me. I know I'm big, i get it, but come on!!

He has a tendency to be an ass, he will belittle people for the fun of it, interrupts constantly and in other ways infuriates people around him. Even his own family could barely stand him when they came over for thanksgiving.

that being said, you can understand why even his presence, can cause my wifes blood pressure to spike, it's a stress thing pure and simple.

So to make the short story long, Sorry for that. Today he comes downstairs to let me know that the "meeting" will be at 10:30 AM on Saturday,not that I Have a choice in the matter mind you, not "is that good for you" just,that's it. so then instead of just saying okay and going n about our days, He sits down, and decides to have some rt of pre-meeting or something ,starts trying go over stuff on the list, right there in front of wife & kids.

Now don't read this the wrong way, I want my wife to be involved in family decisions, I'm not one of those "man of the house wears the pants" kind of people, but she simply can not handle the stress, so I work, like s the family representative. I don't make the decisions, WE make the decisions, I just most of the talking/negotiating/phone-calls what have you.

Of course, with him trying to hand down this BS about the bankruptcy and the Tax Fraud, her BP goes up, she checks the little machine that we have on loan from my mom, and her Blood Pressure is 137/94 Not good numbers at all, She mentions this, I try to break things off with Ralph try to end the conversation, the meeting isn't until Saturday way. but he wont stop.

Now some of you might be thinking "maybe he didn't know what high BP was, or how dangerous it was" but, he had to, because just three days earlier, him and my grandmother were discussing the particulars of my cousin, who has exactly what my wife has, my cousins BP spiked, they had to induce labor, way to early, and had to C-section birth the kids, and on and on about ow dangerous and scary that is, (the kids last I heard are stable) so it's something is immediately familiar with, of course unless he completely(conveniently) forgot all about it.

so my wife takes her BP again 158/101 !!!


She gets up, screams at him "This Is over!!" and goes to lock herself in the bathroom, a small cramped space.

He still tried to keep going.

I told him again very firmly "Ralph we are done" and walked away, hard to do in a basement, but I just turned my back and walked, he finally left.

I don't even know what to say at this point. I mean, I can only see it as him willfully, trying to kill my Wife and unborn child. I don't even know how to begin to react to that.

I have no where else to go. I have no phone, no Internet access, Hell 4 different computers and two microwaves have been fried by the bad wiring down here so I don't even have a decent copy of my resume anymore I have almost no transport, save for what my friend can offer, between his almost ll time job, and college schedule.

I'm trapped underneath (literally and figuratively) a madman who cares nothing for anyone.

Why I'm posting this, I'm barely sure. I mean, The place I was receiving mental health help at, cut me off, me and Erica couldn't find/afford babysitters, and missed too many group therapy sessions. SO I have no one to even talk to about this stuff anymore, I guess I just. Needed to get it out there.

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