Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Today sucked

okay. Before i begin this post, I want to make it absolutely clear, that i DO realize I'm a guest in someone else's house, and I do not expect them to change their whole lives for me. That said a certain amount of consideration and/or communication and/or compromise would be nice.

the day went mostly well, my wife & kids have been up visiting since Saturday. Tuesday evening, it's 7:30 at night, one child asleep trying to get the other one to bed, and suddenly there is BM BAM BAM from upstairs, loud, first child wakes up, second child gets scared, we try to calm them a few minutes latter, the noise of power tools!!!

needless to say 'm startled, no one has talked to me or Erica all day, we had no clue what was going on. I went up stairs to find out, walked through the living room, Ralph said nothing to me, called out for grandma, got no response, went to the bedroom, see a construction worker with a Door frame, a power saw and a hammer.

mind you, at no point during my talk with the worker, did Ralph even leave his chair or say anything to me.

I mention to the worker that i was surprised to see him ,i didn't know work was being done today. Mentioned that I had a couple young kids downstairs getting scared/woken up etc.

The worker said he was going to be there quite a while longer, possibly as late as 10:00. I stopped in the living room to ask Ralph to borrow the phone. The original intent, to see if my mother could let the kids stay at her house, so the could get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

as a side note, the most annoying thing, standing 2 inches from a power-tool or hammer, is only so loud, but when you are in the basement directly underneath the work going on ,the floor acts like a giant speaker cabinet, the whole thing reverberates, and can seem considerably louder, by this time my son was very scared, crying, and hiding.

I couldn't get hold of my mom, come back upstairs to return Ralph's phone, and he starts laying into me.
"it's our house, we can do what we want"
"your a guest here, you don't get a say in it, we have stuff to do too"
"e can't re-arrange our whole lives for you"
mind you up till that point, i had said nothing to him.

At this point I attempt to say
"Ralph I'm not asking you to change things, but no one told us there was even going to be someone over, or that here would be loud noise at 10:00 at nigh, if we had known, we could have given the kids a late nap, a latter supper, and kept them up till he was done"

I attempted to say this 4 times in fact, and never got father than the first 3 or 4 words.

at first Ralph advanced on me, with his hands raised.
I backed up
he started yelling
my grandmother entered the room, and Ralph started screaming
I kept getting cut off, and was getting very upset.
Ralph grabbed my wrist with one hand, I opened the door to the basement with his other hand, and pulled, I assume to try & force me into the basement or some such.

now, a side note, I'm not real big on being grabbed by people that are screaming at me. I'm already pissed and he's essentially trying to force me downstairs.

what I said next, I still not believe to be an over-reaction in anyway.

I wrenched my wrist free and said "Don't fucking grab me, get your hands off me"

Ralph responded with "we don't tolerate that kind of language in this house" and grabbed my shoulder

I again backed up and said "get your fucking hands off me" Loudly

Ralph threatened to call the police if I kept wearing.
mind you, the very man who was letting my kid run around with an X-acto knife, and has now grabbed me twice, is threatening to call the police.
I told him "go ahead"

my grandmother is right here for all of this.

Ralph then says "I'm done talking about this" and leaves the room, I stay a moment to talk to my grandmother, and explain to her, what i originally tried to say to Ralph.

by now, I'm upset, shaking, i got abused enough as a child, i really don't need this shit, and I said as much.

I asked grandma to borrow her phone ,and called my mother, asking her if we could ALL come over for the night, it was going to be cramped for sure, but I had to get out of there. and my kids can't stay up till 10:00 or 11:00 at night when they had their nap at noon and dinner at 5:00

My mom graciously agrees, as we are packing up stuff and moving out to the car, my grandmother chimes in "the tools didn't sound that loud to me, and Ralph didn't try to push you down the stairs"

She also tells me mother, that Ralph was no where NEAR the basement, and that I had come upstairs "out of nowhere" and started raising a ruckus "over nothing"

I'm upset on several levels. as said, simply informing us that someone was coming over to do work would have been enough to avoid all this.
we are more than happy to re-arrange our schedules to meet everyone else's needs, but we can't do that, if no one tells us what's going on.

secondly, when it happened the forgot to tell us, didn't care whatever, i didn't get in anyone's face i borrowed a phone, and tried to make other arrangements, simple easy.

but when i am the accosted and physically man handled, for reasons i can't even begin to fathom, it puts a whole new twist on things.

At no point, even after being grabbed, did I make any attempt to escalate things, I never lashed out physically, and I don't consider what I said to be lashing out verbally, i used swear words for emphasis, i did not call him a name, or insult him in anyway.

I really can't keep living there, it is not good for my health mentally, or physically (the state of the basement, ad my living conditions is a whole other story, which I'll not get into here)
I am almost afraid to have my children come visit anymore, and frankly I only get to see my wife & kids, once or twice a month as it is.

If i have to stop having them visit because of Ralph i wouldn't be able to go on, plain and simple.
my family, my kids especially, mean Everything to me.
and frankly, i have nothing else really anymore. 90% of what I once owned, is now gone.

I feel like such an Emo sitting here whining, but truth is I'm homeless not eating well, and have lost everything important to me, I think I have a right to be a little down. and I needed to get it all off my chest.